Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
