Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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