I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
