Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
