no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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