Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
