You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
