You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
