at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Dear god my vagina.
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