Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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