Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
please come you make the beer taste better
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
