Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
