hotel room ftw
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
