the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
