He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
