Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
