if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
