So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
