I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
