Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
