6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
