Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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