If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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