Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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