I heard we made out
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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