I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
