so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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