all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
