After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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