not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
