When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
