We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
