I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
