Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
