He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
