Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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