I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
