There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
