Porn is love you can see.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
