he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
