Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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