she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
