i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
areolas are like halos for boobs.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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