i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
