fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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