I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
