mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
