Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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