$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
