i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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