so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
