i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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