her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
