This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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