A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
