After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
